Dying Inside

Yeah,
They got me Feddup..
This is going out for all my homies in the struggle,
For all my homies that are locked away,
I feel your pain
But don't worry about a thing homie cause better days are waiting, I promise.


I sit and I think about the things Im going through
Im depressed, Im upset, I dont know what to do
Please feel free to take a walk in my shoes
Im not your ordinary rapper I spit nothing but truth

You think you know me but you dont even have a clue
Where Ive been, What Ive done, and What Im gonna do
Ive been there done that to me all this is nothing new
At times I wanna go back but I got too much to loose

Cause this is my second chance homie I cant give up
And besides I cant eat what I already threw up
Im missing all of my homies that I knew from the start
just know that you aint forgotten cause you live in my heart

and I know its been a while since Ive been around
I got everybody trippin cause I cant be found
I tell them Im doing good, Im doing fine
but in reality Im crying and Im dying inside


Im dying inside I dont know what to do anymore
I keep on knocking and knocking but noone opens the door
why do all these things always happen to me?
Ma, am I the black sheep of the family?
was all this just a mistake or was it meant to be
Im going blind everything is getting harder to see
I just dont understand what they want from me
I just wanna get away and go far from reality!


And I ask myself "Who really am I?" as I look in the mirror
cause half of the time I dont even know who I am anymore
its funny, I never thought that this would happen to me
I feel so empty and cold all alone with no family

I got my family attacking me and freinds turning to enemies
I got my own mom telling me Im worthless, Ma please let me breathe
my broken dreams and bad memories are catching up to me
Seriously its getting to the point where I cant sleep

Im tired of always lying to myself that everythings okay
its really getting to me but I gotta keep thinking positive
and through all this I keep it 100% and nothing less
nevertheless I messed up in the past but that was back then

Thinking about my past on what I did or what I could of done
I learned things happen for a reason so I keep remaining strong
somethings were never meant to be so I just keep on moving on
its hard it aint easy but believe me Ima make it through!


Im dying inside I dont know what to do anymore
I keep on knocking and knocking but noone opens the door
why do all these things always happen to me?
Ma, am I the black sheep of the family?
was all this just a mistake or was it meant to be
Im going blind everything is getting harder to see
I just dont understand what they want from me
I just wanna get away and go far from reality!


yea keep your head up
dont let them get you down
remember one thing
through every dark night
theres a bright day after that
word up
peace...

Soundclick.com/Feddup
Myspace.com/FeddupMusic
Twitter.com/FeddupMusic

Sorry

I have wronged all of you,
and my actions were unbelievable,
i would like to start over with everyone.
I have had a rough childhood and it has affected my behavior,
but there is a certain woman who has inspired me.
I would like everyone to know that even if they forgive me
I will never forget the harm i have done to them.
I can accept the fact if you dont want to forgive me,
but i want you all to know that i am sorry.

Are you scared?

Are you scared?
He no longer needs you.
There is no one left ot protect you.
You are finished.
you will die here all alone, without anyone to hold on to.
I asked if you are afraid.

I am not scared...
Everyone came here to rescue me
My heart is already...
...with theirs.

How ridiculous.
We already know what awaits both you and your friends.
Their coming here...
will not change the fact that all of you are going to die.
There is no changing that.
By sharing your feelings with your friends before your death,
you humans are able to set yourselves at ease.
It's an instinct that prevents you from falling into a pit of fear and despair.
In reality, it is impossible for people to truly share their feelings.
It's simply a human delusion.

That may be true..
It may be impossible for us to all share the exact same feelings.
But when you both care for each other,
your hearts are able to draw a little closer together.
That's what it means when we say our souls are one.

What is a soul?
Can i see it if i tore open your chest?
Can i see it if i cracked open your head?

Hope. Is never far away.

We've finally found the new morning
It's hindered by days gone by.
It is not the future that we turned to chase
All we pursued is the past
These relentless memories won't stop ringing in my head
They won't seem to forgive me.
Isn't it about time for these tears of conflict
to brim and fall down my tired cheeks?
I wonder when the rain will stop?
It's been so cold for the longest time
Why does the rain choose to fall on me?
Should i lose myself in it?
The rain does not know how to stop.
It continues to fall as always.
While, in this umbrella you gently held out to me.
I snuggle towards your warmth.

I have only ONE message for you

You dont know me.
You dont know my life.
You dont know what its like to be me.
You dont know ANYTHING.

Dont come to me, saying that you know what it feels like.

Saying that you have been thru hell.
Saying that your life suck.
Saying that you. Can hunt me.

We are. Professionals.
We have. Rules.
We love. Games.

No matter what aruguments we have,
if someone tries to break us.
We will stand united.

One for all,
All for one.

If you think. For one second.
That you can hunt me down, like a simple prey in the woods.
Then I got ONE message for you.
You are WRONG.

In our world.
There is a rule.
Only the strongest can survive.
To survive, its kill. Or be killed.
Those who are weak, will be left behind.

That is what makes us.
The BEST OF The BEST.

I dont know who hired you. But i do know one thing.
Mess with me any further.
And i will show you my true nature.

If you want to continue. With this childish game of yours.
Then lets up the ante.

Declare a war on me.

You mess with me, you mess with the team.

Now. Do we have an understanding?
Or do you want me to show you how its done.

Its your choice.
Take your time to decide. I have all the time in the world.

Having your flesh cut and bones severed and left alone in the cold...
Have you experienced that before?
Tremble!
Bow down to your fear!

I pray for forgiveness, for the sinner.

I'm only doing my job.
There is no next time.
You are not qualified to live if you cannot save yourself.
If you want to see tomorrow, save yourself.

Only me, All alone.

In my life of perfidy and violence,
only your promise to me acted as my support.

Those words alone gave me warmth.

I was drawn into that warmth and came this far.

What I truly desire slipped out of these hands.

Quite sad, eh? Feel free to laugh at me.

Only me, All alone.

That little boy from the past no longer exist.

Once upon a time,
a boy posed a question to the queen of all demons.
You always stare down at the world so sadly.
Why arent you happy?

The queen replied:
If you promise to grant my wish, then I will show you a happier face.
But if you break the promise...
I will feast upon your flesh.
Even so, will you make the promise?

"I will" said the young boy firmly.

Then I will tell you my wish...

The boy was determined to open the Queen's hiddn door.
What he saw there was...

I couldn't believe in you, or even in myself.
But you always fought hard alone.

I don't need your pity!
I want to take you. I want to make you my possession.
That is my weakness.
My strong desire of the past!
I understand.
I understand now.
We can no longer return to the way things were.
If we can no longer return...
then let everything be destroyed!
Everyone.. everyone has changed,
abandoning me, who remains the same.
I should have known...

This is our special place and it's yours too.
I want to know your answer.
I wanted to curse love before,
But now I can try.

Loneliness cleaned the wind.

Feelings.Everything was taken

The answer is there, you just have to find it

Call me. I will understand you

With you is always my love

That's the answer.

For You.

I saw you in the sunlight

I didn't believe what I saw in You

Something that is very important, i bet.

You have feelings and sleep,
but you don't listen,
so please..
Don't enclose your self

50 dumb things but will make you go hmm. lol?

1. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality comes from morons?
2. Can you get cornered in a small room?
3. Why do we even wash behind our ears? No one looks there!
4. Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking lot yet it's ok to use a handicapped toilet?
5. Why do we use the phrase "It's colder than hell outside." when hell is a lake of burning sulfur?
6. Why are women scared of mice, yet they love Mickey Mouse?
7. Why don't they make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
8. Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?
9. Can mute people burp?
10. Why is it that you play at a recital, yet recite at a play?
11. If a fork was made of gold would it be still called silverware?
12. If heat rises, then why is the ground warmer than the stratosphere?
13. If all beans are vegetables, and chocolate comes from cocoa beans, so chocolate must be a vegetable!
14. Why is the toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue in colour?
15. Why do we go "back and forth" when actually we must go forth before going back?
16. Why does shaped macaroni taste better than the straight ones?
17. Why is vanilla ice-cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
18. Why can't you tan your palms?
19. Why do companies offer you free gifts? The point of a gift is that it's free to begin with.
20. If something 'goes without saying', then why say it?
21. If bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
22. Why is it that hot dog buns come in packets of 10, but hot dogs only come in packets of 8?
23. Why is it the Twelve Days of Christmas when effectively, there's only one?
24. If you die and have a broken leg, do they take the cast off?
25. Why is "number" abbreviated as "no." when there is obviously no 'o' is the word 'number'?
26. Why do they call small candy bars "Fun Sizes"? After all, it's more fun to eat a big one.
27. Who gets to keep the money from a wishing well?
28. If you went back in time and killed all your ancestors, would you disappear on the spot?
29. If money does not grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
30. How important a person got to be before his "murder" gets upgraded to an "assassination"?
31. Just what is the "Baby On Board" sign for? Will it help us decide which car not to hit when an accident happens?
32. If all the Acme stuff keeps failing, then why does Wily Coyote keep buying and using their products?
33. Why is it when we laugh in school, the teacher would then ask us "Do you find something funny?" Obviously!
34. Why do you have to put two cents in, yet it's a penny for your thoughts? Where did the other penny go?
35. Since there is a rule that states 'i' before 'e' except after 'c', then SCIENCE is spelt wrongly!
36. If the handicapped bathrooms are for people who can't walk, why place them at the end of the walkway, after all the normal stalls?
37. Do stuttering people stutter when they are thinking to themselves?
38. Why is it when we duck they call us chicken?
39. Why do people say 'I work like a dog' when most dogs sit around all day doing nothing constructive?
40. When you see the weather report and it says 'Partly cloudy' and on the next day 'Partly sunny', what is the difference?
41. Why do fat people say they want to get in shape? Round is a shape.
42. Why did the Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
43. Why do the advertisements show you that their detergent can remove bloodstains? I mean, if you have a T-shirt covered in blood, washing the stains off is not your biggest problem.
44. People hang deer heads on their wall because they say the deer was beautiful. You don't see me hanging people's heads on the wall just because they are beautiful/handsome.
45. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
46. Do you realise that no one ever says "It's just a game" when they are winning?
47. Why don't you ever see the headlines "Psychic Won Lottery"?
48. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
49. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport a terminal?
50. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck and cramped together?

You are right.

You are right.
Hatred and sadness remain in my heart.

As time passes, the pain eases.
But i dont want time to heal me.
Even if we want to flee from the pain and forget everything,
what awaits us is obstruction,
slowing us from moving forward.

Ah, i see.
I hate lies so much, yet i lied to myself.

Funeral rite is only a tool.
the power to send away the lost,
doesn't involve bones and funeral ceremony.

Another Fraction

As the madam was trying to kill me,
there was hesitation in her eyes.
She was not able to kill me,
a relative.
That's what I thought.
If you hesitate for even a moment,
it can be fatal.
just like in chess.
She lost her next move through hesitation.
That's all there was to it.
That's why I will not hesitate.

That's how it has to be!
you should use your pawns in the best way possible
and keep struggling to live on,
Using the madam, myself, and all the other pawns within your reach.
Even if the empty shells of pawns
pile up beneath the throne,
once the king is gone,
the game is over.

I will not stop moving forward.
I will not regret a single step i have taken.
That's why i order you:
Do not betray me,
and do not leave my side!
No matter what!

Yes, my lord.
If you wish, i will follow you
no matter where you go.
Even if the throne crumbles and the brillian crown rusts,
Even if the empty shells of pawns pile up
and we rest upon their decaying bodies,
I will lie beside your small form.
And until the last bell tolls,
until that time...

Monsters dont have birthdays

From that day,
my birthday,
my life changed.
I would never again have a happy birthday.
Nonetheless...

Nothing good ever seems to happen on your birthday,
does it?
YOu lose your mansion, your parents,
everything.
and this time, will you lose your lady?

You?!
Take it back, Sebastian.

Take what back?

The silly words you just said.

Young master, you said you're to take care of a small matter,
didn't you?
Is that small matter to overlook your tragic past?
and submerge in the gladness of shame?
Haven't you said it before?
That body,
that ring,
are things returned after havin benn destroyed?
Now you're not afraid of having anything being broken.

That's right. Don't repeat my words.

For that reason...

If you're ever lonely
if you're ever feeling down,
just call me.
I'll go to your side.
Tell me all your worries.
If you're alone,
You'll forget how to laugh,
because a smile is something that
you should exchange with someone.
Look, from the classroom windows,
the future that you can see.
is spreading out before you.
beneath the rays of the sun
Smile with happiness,
being happy surely starts with a smile.
If only a little,
i wish to give you a smile.
So that you can,
Raise your head high and start walking.

As joy dances away,
spring becomes the wings of my tears.
They turn into fluttering flower petals,
meant only for you.
Whenever you feel the wind ceases,
I am with you.
Protecting you,
as you live and breathe.
Its more important than any sadness and loneliness.
If we are reborn someday, we shall meet beneath the blossoming trees.
And when we do meet, I swear we'll smile and laugh foreva.
I'll protect my memories of I loved and was loved.
My gaze won't falter,
and i'll wish every day from the bottom of my heart,
that we'll
will be together again.

The night sky is so beautiful

Even if we part and meet again,
I want to meet at this place.
Then we'll hold hands to ensure we'll never be separated again.
We used to talk until the sun rose,
and held hands till the sun went under the horizon.
Let's walk together like this forever,
like light and shadow.
I stand in the city,
staring off into space with lonely eyes.
I can't find warmth on my own.
By meeting you, i realized
how much strength love could give me.
I can't sleep by myself,
cause' i cant dream without you
so take me to a place that uncertainty can't reach us.
and let us bring light to the night sky with no stars.
So as long as you are with me,
i can go to worlds ends.
Even if its a path i can't walk on my own,
if you're by my side,
i can walk it while humming a tune.
If we're together, the world is mine.

Got a new laptop last night.
Samsung
haha its white! will take pics next time.
English class now...
the school wifi block facebook...
any suggestions on how to get into facebook???
i cant think of any.

Quiz!!

GUESS AN OBJECT!

1. A box without hinges, key or lid.
Yet golden treasure inside is hid.

2. Alive without breath,
As cold as death;
never thirsty, ever drinking
all in mail. never clinking.

3. This think all things devours
birds, beasts, trees, flowers;
Graws iron, bites steel;
grinds hard stones to meal;
slays king, ruins town
and beat high mountain down.

4. It cannot be seen, cannot be felt
cannot be heard, cannot be smelt
it lies behind stars and under hills,
and empty holes it fills
it comes first and follows after,
ends life, kills laughter.

This is my 100th post!! in blogger

Yep!! 100th post!! its like been ages since i last blogged.
those past post were poems. just some stuff i thought of when i have that extra time on my hands.
I am now in Liberal Studies. We are having an assessment.
I FINISHED EARLYY!! and the teacher allowed me to do my own stuff so i turned on my computer and went on blogger.
Going to Fang's blog later. been ages again since i went there.
Last week was a bummer.
Did like a ton of homework.
Its assessment week so yeah lotsa essay to write.
I wrote like 2000 word music essay, dt specification and material research
and last night i spent a few hours writing that damn english essay
guess what
I HATE THAT ESSAY
we are supposed to link Journey to the West to archtypes and other stuff
ohh and link everything to china!
i was like wtf!!
i think i still have the soft copy of those essay so yeah post em later.
Those who have the time to read it, thanks.
Those who think its a waste of time to even look at it, just skip it then.
I dont really mind.
so i am waiting for the rest of the class to finish thier essay now.
its really good when an international school allows you to use a computer to write essays in class.
and free internet.
i call it wifi.
ya i know you will think wth!
you read it as WHY FLY (wifi)
but i call it wifi (wee fee)
yeah i know not funny.
i think i will blog another time, another day
right now i need to start on my personal project!!

Dont make such a scary expression.

What are you saying?
No one will believe such lies!

The people of the world dont care whether those are lies.
People only believe what they want to believe in.
If people are willing to believe,
lies will become truth.
In addition,
it's easy to make people believe.
That's right, this is very common.

...
Indeed, people will believe others.
But that's because the're willing to believe!
Humans are beautiful creatures.
There shouldn't be bad guys.
I always wanted to believe that.

You're a princess indeed.
Everything that you say leaves people in awe.
You probable have not experience
the betrayal of the things you believe in.

No, I haven't

Thanks for your honesty.
But your words are ineffective against me.